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Is it domestic violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that takes many forms – emotional, psychological, verbal, physical, financial, sexual and other forms of abuse. Domestic violence doesn't have to include all of the different forms to be abusive.

Emotional and verbal abuse IS domestic violence.  Do you walk on eggshells?  Does your partner belittle you?  Call you names?  Isolate you from friends and family?  Constantly jealous and accusing you of being unfaithful?  Any of these can be signs of abusive behavior.

Physical abuse includes pushing, slapping, hitting, biting, shoving, punching, and other forms.  Sexual abuse includes pressure to be intimate, pressure to participate in sexual acts that you are uncomfortable with, and other forms of forced intimacy up to and including rape.
 

I'm afraid of my partner.

It is not your fault.  Domestic violence is about power and control – it isn't about your behavior or feelings.  You can't fix it or stop the abuse.  The batterer is responsible for their behavior – and ONLY they can change their behavior.

There is help available.  Call DVS at 582-9841.  Tell a friend.  Create a safety plan.
 

What do I do if someone I know is being abused?

• Don't judge.  A victim already feels put-down by the abuser.
• Listen.  Tell the victim it is not their fault.  There is help available.
• Be unconditional in your support, or the victim may not use your help again – which assists the abuser in further isolating the victim.
• It is ok to be honest and supportive, but do not tell the victim what to do – that is just as controlling as the abuser.
• Help the victim identify a support system:  friends, family, DVS, etc.
• Be patient.  Leaving is a long and difficult process to break free:  victims may leave and return many times.  One of the most important supportive acts you can do is to always be there – unconditionally.

If you are abusing your partner:

Take responsibility for your behavior and make a commitment to change.   Call UW hotline at 1-800-MEN-1089 - the Men's Domestic Abuse Check-Up is a project for men 18 and older who are concerned or have mixed feelings about their behaviors toward their partner.

Get perpetrator treatment by registered treatment providers.

Locally:

Mike Lafferty 735-2271

Michael Henry 946-8182

Leila Frech (bi-lingual)  783-3222