Get Help

I’m afraid of my partner.

If someone is hurting you or making you scared, it is not your fault!  Domestic violence is about power and control – it isn’t about your behavior or feelings.  You can’t fix it or stop the abuse.  The batterer is responsible for their behavior – and ONLY they can change their behavior.

There is help available:

What do I do if someone I know is being abused?

  • Don’t judge.  A victim already feels put-down by the abuser.
  • Listen.  Tell the victim it is not their fault.  There is help available.
  • Be unconditional in your support, or the victim may not use your help again – which assists the abuser in further isolating the victim.
  • It is ok to be honest and supportive, but do not tell the victim what to do – that is just as controlling as the abuser.
  • Help the victim identify a support system:  friends, family, DVS, etc.
  • Be patient.  Leaving is a long and difficult process to break free:  victims may leave and return many times.  One of the most important supportive acts you can do is to always be there – unconditionally.

Learn more about how to help a loved one who is being abused.

If you are abusing your partner:

Take responsibility for your behavior and make a commitment to change.   Call UW hotline at 1-800-MEN-1089 – the Men’s Domestic Abuse Check-Up is a project for men 18 and older who are concerned or have mixed feelings about their behaviors toward their partner.

Get perpetrator treatment from a registered perpetrator intervention provider.

Learn more about perpetrator treatment, if counseling help and how you can know if he is changing.